cheaphealthygood

Jumat, 15 Oktober 2010

Re-Name the Husband-Elect Contest and Cookbook Winner!

Sweet readers! Nearly 100 comments, Facebook posts, and e-mails later, we have a winner for our Rename the Husband-Elect Contest. My dearly beloved and I are going with:

HOTUS

As in, “Husband of the United Sturts” (my new last name).

Congratulations Procrastamom! If you can shoot me an e-mail (cheaphealthygood@gmail.com) with your name and address, I’ll send you your prize, Giada at Home, Family Recipes from Italy and California by Madame Prosciutto Clawhand herself, Giada DeLaurentiis.

That Guy I Married was a close runner-up, and we both very much appreciated Sir Husby, Husband-Select, and Captain Weirdbeard of the Good Ship CHG.

Stick around, folks! The links are coming soon.

Kamis, 14 Oktober 2010

Veggie Might: Savory Squash Pie - Road Trip Inspirado

Penned by the effervescent Leigh, Veggie Might is a weekly Thursday column about the wide world of Vegetarianism. Also, a quick reminder: All entries for the Re-Name the Husband-Elect Contest are due by 6pm today. You could win a cookbook!

This time last year, I took an unexpected swim in Lake George and hung out with some Vermont syrup tappers made of pantyhose. As one who will stop for anything that catches my eye along the roadside, weird and kitschy New England-in-the-fall excursions seem to becoming a tradition and rife with inspirado.

A couple of weekends ago CB and I visited his parents in the great state of New Hampshire, where we lived free and ate garden-fresh vegetables (rather than the alternative). On the way back through Massachusetts, we strolled through a pumpkin spice-hyacinth-clean laundry-mountain spruce-cookie-scented, fake-snowy Bavarian Christmas village with a country crafts food court and animatronic bluegrass band.

We also bought enough squash for me to start my own roadside stand.

I can get squash in New York. But there they were, all orange and green and yellow, beckoning me from the side of the road. Since we had a car, for once I was able to buy more than I could carry. So I scooped up two sugar pumpkins for pie, two butternut squashes for soup, a Long Island cheese squash, and a buttercup squash—the latter two because they were new to me and pretty.

And they were cheeeeeap. For six squashes, I spent a grand total of $7. The farmer at my local market has reasonable prices compared to most in the area, but yay!

It took me a whole day to bake, puree, and freeze my bounty, and now I’m ready for whatever new-and-exciting squash recipes come my way. And snacking on roasted squash seeds. Scanning the InterWebs for inspirado, only a few clicks through the blog reader unearthed the perfect recipe to kick off Squash Season: Savory Kabocha Pie from The Kitchn.

Practice my pie crust technique on a savory squash and tofu pie that would be amazing for brunch or a light lunch? Okay, whoever is reading my thoughts: Swiss bank account, cottage on the Isle of Skye, lifetime supply of handspun alpaca.

From my roadside bounty, I chose the buttercup squash. It was recommended as a substitute for kabocha; weighing in at just over 2 lbs, it was the right size, and I couldn’t wait to try it.

Buttercup squash is a small, squat, dark green squash looks very similar to a kabocha. The sweet flesh is ideal for a variety of recipes and is interchangeable with its butternut and kabocha cousins.

In the pie at hand, the buttercup squash combines flawlessly with the tofu to make a rich and creamy filling without being heavy; and the sweetness is nicely balanced with the savory garlic and onions. Rosemary has an almost woodsy scent, and makes a lovely addition, though take care not to overdo it. Too much makes the filling bitter. Sage or thyme would be equally delicious.

You can use any crust you like, but I branched out and made the whole-wheat crust recommended in the recipe. It was hearty and dense but tender and flaky, standing up to the earthy flavors of the filling more than would a simple white flour crust. Give it a try; it’s worth the effort.

If you’re feeling ambitious, you might make two crusts at once and freeze one for later. A frozen pie crust will keep for several months, and give you a head start on your holiday baking—or make this dish that much easier when you want to make another immediately, which I assure you, you will. I did (with a butternut: equally amazing).

Next time I hit the road (soon), I’ll be looking for more food I’ve never tried and flannel-wearing robots that sing and play the banjo. Let me know if you have a line on any.

~~~

If this article tickled your fancy, sidle on over to:

~~~

Savory Buttercup Squash Pie
Serves 8.
Adapted from Savory Kabocha Pie from The Kitchn (crust adapted from Brother Ron Pickarski's Friendly Foods).

Crust
1 cup whole-wheat pastry flour
1/2 cup unbleached, all-purpose flour
2 tbsp olive oil
1/4 tsp salt
1/4-1/3 cup ice water

Filling
2 lb buttercup squash, seeded, baked, and mashed
1/2 tbsp olive oil
1 small onion, diced (about 1 cup)
3 cloves garlic, minced
14 oz silken tofu, mashed
1 tbsp fresh rosemary leaves, finely chopped
1 1/2 tsp salt
Freshly ground pepper, to taste
2 tbsp arrowroot powder dissolved in 1 tbsp water

For the Crust
1) Mix whole-wheat pastry flour, all-purpose flour, and salt in a small bowl. Pour olive oil in a separate bowl. Place both bowls in freezer for at least 1 hour.

2) In a food processor or with a pastry cutter, combine flour and hardened oil until it forms a coarse meal. Leave a few pea-sized pieces of hardened oil for a flakier crust. Drizzle the water to the flour mixture, using only enough to form a dough. Take care not to overwork the dough, or it will become tough.

3) Turn out the dough onto a lightly floured surface and roll into 1/16"-thick circle. Carefully place dough in a 9" pie pan. Trim and crimp edges as desired. Place crust in refrigerator until you are ready to fill.

For the Filling
1) Preheat oven to 350º F.

2) Slice squash in half and scoop out seeds. Place sliced side down on greased baking sheet and roast in oven for 15-25 minutes until a fork easily pierces the skin. Allow to cool, then scoop out flesh, mash, and set aside. Leave oven on at 350º F.

3) In a large saucepan, heat olive oil and sauté onions and garlic about 7 minutes, until the onion is translucent. Stir in squash, tofu, rosemary, salt, and pepper. Cook until warm. Dissolve arrowroot in water and stir into mixture to thicken filling.

4) Pour the filling into pie crust and bake for 30 minutes.

5) Serve warm with salad or soup for brunch or lunch. Keep a back up for yourself.

Approximate Calories, Fat, Fiber, and Protein per Serving
222.5 calories, 9.3g fat, 9.2g fiber, 14.3g protein, $.43

Calculations
1 cup whole wheat pastry flour: 440 calories, 20g fat, 16g fiber, 12g protein, $0.64
1/2 cup unbleached, all-purpose flour: 227.5 calories, 0.5g fat, 1.5g fiber, 6.5g protein, $0.10
2 tbsp olive oil: 240 calories, 28g fat, 0g fiber, 0g protein, $0.16
1/4 tsp: negligible calories, fat, fiber, protein, $.02
2 lb buttercup squash: 416 calories, 0g fat, 32g fiber, 0g protein, $1.00
1/2 tbsp olive oil: 60 calories, 7g fat, 0g fiber, 0g protein, $0.04
1 small onion: 10 calories, 0.05g fat, 0g fiber, 0g protein, $0.12
3 cloves garlic: 12 calories, 0g fat, 0g fiber, 0g protein, $0.04
12 ounces firm tofu: 375 calories, 19g fat, 24g fiber, 96g protein, $1.20
1 tbsp fresh rosemary leaves: negligible calories, fat, fiber, protein, $.04
1 1/2 tsp salt: negligible calories, fat, fiber, protein, $.02
Freshly ground pepper: negligible calories, fat, fiber, protein, $.02
2 tbsp arrowroot powder: negligible calories, fat, fiber, protein, $.02
TOTALS: 1780.5 calories, 74.5g fat, 73.5g fiber, 114.5g protein $3.40
PER SERVING (TOTALS/8): 222.5 calories, 9.3g fat, 9.2g fiber, 14.3g protein, $.43

Rabu, 13 Oktober 2010

Serving Sizes and Portion Control: A Primer

Sweet readers! Just a reminder that the Re-name the Husband-Elect Contest is going on until tomorrow at 6pm. Submit your idea, and you could win a cookbook!

The exact number varies, but the general consensus is that the average American’s calorie intake has shot up about 20 percent since the 1970s. How did that happen? Did we get taller? Did we start running marathons? Did we suddenly get really, really hungry (for 40 years)?

Nope. Serving sizes increased. And it happened so gradually, we barely even noticed.

Well, some people noticed. And while the embiggening of portions may not be news to foodies, newshounds, and concerned parents, the numbers themselves might be. According to a great piece at Divine Caroline, few decades ago:

A slice of pizza clocked in at a mere 250 calories. Today, it comes in at 425.
Bagels were half the size they are now.
A standard tub of movie popcorn was 360 calories less than it is in 2010.

It doesn’t stop there, either. Soda, donuts, muffins, nearly all packaged foods (especially convenience items), you name it – nowadays, they come in containers significantly larger than our parents were used to.

What does this cost us, in terms of health and straight-up cash? Well, in the long term, out-of-control serving sizes contribute to obesity, metabolic syndrome, and many more exciting health problems associated with the Western diet. We may not sacrifice part of our paychecks for them now, but medication and hospital bills add up years down the line.

In the short term, we’re simply paying more money for bigger food. Super-sizing is only another quarter? Sure, why not? We can get a movie soda AND popcorn for only two dollars more than buying either alone? Let’s do it. Pop Tarts are 20% larger? I mean, I don’t know how I’m gonna cram that into my toaster, but nonetheless: Woo hoo!

So, how do we know how much to eat? How can we tell what reasonable servings look like? And how can we prevent consistent overindulging as time marches on?

Good questions, all. And here are some answers:

HOW MUCH SHOULD I EAT?

Research.
There are a plethora of online articles, slideshows, and graphics dealing with standard serving sizes and moderate portions. This Web MD tool is just one fabulous, easy-to-use example. One quick word of caution: While it’s improved, the USDA food pyramid is pretty heavily influenced by industry, and isn’t necessarily a reliable guide. Better to consult nutritionists and science-related websites.

Know your daily caloric needs.
This will give you a good idea of how many calories, and subsequently how much food, you can consume in a day without going overboard. It’s different for men and women, adults and children, active and non-active people, etc., so find a reliable calculator to get specifics.

WHAT DOES A SERVING LOOK LIKE?

Measure your food.
Initially, it’s a pain in the butt. But once you know what a tablespoon of oil or a half-cup of oatmeal really looks like, you’ll be more conscious of those quantities in the future. For extra credit, re-measure every few months, to prevent unconscious inflation.

Use visual cues.
If you don’t have measuring cups handy, there are other ways of estimating portions. For example, this guide from Prevention Magazine shows you how to use your hands when calculating amounts. Diabetic Living has a slideshow comparing serving sizes to everyday objects, like CDs, computer mice (mouses?), and shotglasses.

Read labels.
When it comes to packaged edibles, the amount of food in a single serving is always printed on the ingredient label. Just remember to pay attention to the number of servings within a container. For example, a pint of Ben & Jerry’s isn’t one serving. It’s four.

HOW CAN I AVOID EXTRA-SIZED SERVINGS?

Portion your plate.
Your largest serving over every meal should consist of fruits and/or vegetables. Your smallest should be meat or cheese-soaked anything. Fit starch in where you can, don’t forget to include nuts and legumes, and use sweets and bad fats sparingly.

Use smaller plates.
Not only does this automatically control your portions, but it makes food look bigger. Place a medium-sized baked potato on a 13-inch buffet plate, and it’s dwarfed by the negative space surrounding it. Move the same spud to a six-inch appetizer plate, and it’s suddenly a full-on feast.

Don’t eat food from its container.
Mindless eating is the enemy of portion control. Give yourself a few potato chips, and put the rest of the bag away.

Cook at home.
Restaurants and fast food joints are notorious for their huge portion sizes, frequently packing a full day’s worth of calories into a single sit-down meal. Prepping your own repast in your own kitchen allows you to monitor exactly how much you eat, and store what’s leftover.

Beware of seconds and thirds.
Let your meal sit for a few minutes before going back for another helping. You may be full and not even know it. Related to this, don’t keep serving vessels on the table. Out of sight, out of mind, you know?

When it comes to recipes, use your judgment.
Cook’s Illustrated and Everyday Food are two of my favorite recipe sources, and I find both tend to portion meals into large servings. If you feel a favorite dish makes enough for six people instead of two, go ahead and plate it as such.

DON’T FORGET

Relax.
This all doesn’t mean we shouldn’t treat ourselves. Oh, heck no. As food lovers and Americans, it’s our prerogative to occasionally eat burgers the size of bowling balls. Sporadically, I’ll polish off a box of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese without assistance, thinking, or blinking. And in those instances, it’s usually pretty merited. But my point is: overindulging shouldn’t be an everyday kind of thing. At least, not if we want to make it to our seventies.

And that’s that. Readers, what do you think? Are the points made here any good? Do you have any solid strategies for combating super-sized portions? The comment section, she is open.

~~~

If you like this article, these might also appeal to you:

Selasa, 12 Oktober 2010

Ask the Internet: Cookbook Contest! New Name for Husband-Elect?

Sweet readers! Today’s question is pretty self-centered, but what are blogs, if not digital representations of our desperate need for validation on a mass scale? Also, the winner gets a cookbook! Whee!

Q: A long, long time ago (37 days) in a galaxy far, far away (Lawn Guyland, Noo Yawk), I married a man of unparalleled awesomeness and beard-growing ability. Until that fateful evening, he was referred to on this blog as Husband-Elect. Now he has been … uh … sworn in (?) as my spouse, we need a new moniker.

What should we call The Artist Formerly Known as Husband-Elect?

A: Our favorite name will receive a copy of Giada De Laurentiis’ newest cookbook, Giada at Home: Family Recipes from Italy and California. (We went to Italy for our honeymoon, and I hear California is very nice, so it's kind of fitting.)

As always with these kinds of things, there are a few rules:

Entries must be in by this Thursday, October 14th, at 6pm.
One entry per person.
Entries must include your idea and a name with which we can identify you. No anonymous comments, please.
Winner will be announced in this Friday’s Top Ten Links post.
In the case of a repeated idea, the commenter who mentioned it first will receive the cookbook.
No family or friends of CHG bloggers can enter. Sorry, Ma.

Hope that makes sense, sweet readers. Can’t wait to see your ideas, and don’t forget to log on later for Jaime’s newest Green Kitchen column!

Want to ask the interweb a question? Post one in the comment section, or write to Cheaphealthygood@gmail.com. Then, tune in next Tuesday for an answer/several answers from the good people of the World Wide Net.

Senin, 11 Oktober 2010

Low-Fat Apple Coffee Cake: Get in My Mouth, Right Now

Today on Serious Eats: All-American Chili. Wonderfully autumn-y, and even better the next day.

As a New Yorker, I like to think that October is our reward for making it through August.

If you’ve ever been here in late summer, you know that the humidity, stench, and collective bad mood make our eighth month a special kind of hell. Yet, less than 31 days after it’s over, we’re compensated with weather straight out of a John Irving novel.

In October, the atmospheric moisture all but disappears. The temperatures drop from the high 400s into the über-pleasant upper 60s. The persistent aromas of bus fuel and body odor are replaced by … well, nothing. And let me tell you, Eau de Nothing in New York is about as good as you’re gonna get, except for that time the Jersey chemical factory leaked and the city reeked of maple syrup for two days.

Yeah, that was cool.

Anyway, October also means an entirely new season and style of cooking. Out are raw salads and grilled meats. In come long-simmering stews and cinnamon-spiked quick breads. Zucchini and tomatoes are making way for butternut squash and heavenly-when-cooked-correctly Brussels sprouts. And let’s not forget fall’s finest bounty: bag after bag of regional apples, purchased for a pittance. A pittance! Forsooth, I say!

I recently procured just such a sack of the medium-sized MacIntosh variety, which I find fairly solid for eating, saucing, and all-purpose baking. One by one, I turned them into snacks, applesauce, and Low-Fat Apple Coffee Cake from the Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook. Which? Will make you drool on your culottes. It’s that good.

Words that describe this cake: warm, moist, sweet, light, fairly low-fat, apple-packed, crunch-esquey, cinnamonilicity, scrumptulescent.

Words that do not describe this cake: gross, stapler, Michael Vick.

Of course, if you should embark on this journey of delectable…ness, there are a few things to know:

1) You’re supposed to coat the baking pan with cooking spray. I ran out, but a thin swipe of Butter-flavored Crisco stood in nicely.

2) I substituted a real egg for egg substitute. Whoa. Meta.

3) As noted, I used MacIntoshes, but other baking apples may elicit even better results. So, experiment! (Except with Red Delicious. They’re pretty useless in cakes like this.)

Welcome, autumn. I could not be happier to eat, er, see you.

~~~

If you think this looks good, you’ll really like:

~~~

Low-Fat Apple Coffee Cake
Makes 10 servings.
Adapted from Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook.
NOTE: This looks like a lot of ingredients, but it’s not, I promise. A bunch are repeats. No fear!

2/3 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon salt
A few dashes nutmeg
1-1/2 cups small-diced, peeled, cored apples (2 small) (I used MacIntosh)
1/4 cup egg (about 1 large egg)
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup chopped walnuts and/or pecans
1/4 cup applesauce (I used homemade)
1/4 cup packed light brown sugar
1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon whole wheat flour
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 tablespoon coldish butter, cut up into small cubes
1/4 cup chopped walnuts and/or pecans

1) Preheat oven to 350°F. Coat a 9-inch round baking pan with either cooking spray or Crisco. Set aside.

2) In a small mixing bowl, combine 2/3 cup all-purpose flour, 1/2 cup whole wheat flour, baking soda, 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon, salt, and nutmeg with a whisk. Set aside.

3) In a medium mixing bowl, combine apples and egg. Add sugar, 1/4 cup chopped nuts, and applesauce. Pour in flour mixture. Stir to combine. Pour batter into your pan. It will be thick, but don’t worry. Flatten it out evenly with a spatula.

4) In a separate small bowl, combine brown sugar with remaining all-purpose flour, whole wheat flour, and cinnamon. Cut in butter, either with a fork or a pastry blender. It should look like crumbs when you’re done. Stir in remaining nuts. Sprinkle it over your batter.

5) Bake 30 or 35 minutes, or until the cake passes the toothpick test. Remove, let sit in the pan for 10 minutes, and serve to rousing applause. It’s seriously, really good.

Approximate Calories, Fat, Fiber, Protein, and Price Per Serving
205 calories, 5.8 g fat, 1.4 g fiber, 3.1 g protein, $0.23

Calculations
2/3 cup all-purpose flour: 303 calories, 0.8 g fat, 2.2 g fiber, 8.6 g protein, $0.07
1/2 cup whole wheat flour: 228 calories, 0.6 g fat, 1.7 g fiber, 6.5 g protein, $0.11
1 teaspoon baking soda: negligible calories, fat, fiber, and protein, $0.01
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon: 6 calories, 0.1 g fat, 1.2 g fiber, 0.1 g protein, $0.03
1/4 teaspoon salt: negligible calories, fat, fiber, and protein, $0.01
A few dashes nutmeg: negligible calories, fat, fiber, and protein, $0.01
1-1/2 cups small-diced, peeled, cored apples: 79 calories, 0.2 g fat, 2.1 g fiber, 0.4 g protein, $0.25
1/4 cup egg: 74 calories, 5 g fat, 0 g fiber, 6.3 g protein, $0.21
3/4 cup granulated sugar: 581 calories, 0 g fat, 0 g fiber, 0 g protein, $0.16
1/4 cup chopped walnuts and/or pecans: 190 calories, 19.4 g fat, 2.3 g fiber, 3.5 g protein: $0.50
1/4 cup applesauce: 26 calories, 0.1 g fat, 0.7 g fiber, 0.1 g protein, $0.13
1/4 cup packed light brown sugar: 207 calories, 0 g fat, 0 g fiber, 0 g protein, $0.15
1 tablespoon all-purpose flour: 29 calories, 0.1 g fat, 0.2 g fiber, 0.8 g protein, $0.01
1 tablespoon whole wheat flour: 29 calories, 0.1 g fat, 0.2 g fiber, 0.8 g protein, $0.02
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon: 3 calories, 0 g fat, 0.6 g fiber, 0 g protein, $0.02
1 tablespoon coldish butter: 102 calories, 11.5 g fat, 0 g fiber, 0.1 g protein, $0.06
1/4 cup chopped walnuts and/or pecans: 190 calories, 19.4 g fat, 2.3 g fiber, 3.5 g protein: $0.50
TOTAL: 2047 calories, 57.3 g fat, 13.5 g fiber, 30.7 g protein, $2.25
PER SERVING (TOTAL/10): 205 calories, 5.8 g fat, 1.4 g fiber, 3.1 g protein, $0.23

Sabtu, 09 Oktober 2010

Saturday Throwback: Apple Hacks - 39 Incredible, Somewhat Inedible Uses for Extra Apples

Every Saturday, we post a piece from CHG's archives. This one comes from October 2007, which was nice when you think about it.

The U.S. produced more than 9,816,000,000 pounds of apples last year, or just about 28,854,000,000 individual pieces of fruit. That’s a lot of apples. Maybe too many to eat.

Fortunately, there are dozens - no, hundreds - wait, THOUSANDS of other uses for those delightful orbs of deliciousness, and CHG has 43 of ‘em right here.

1. Predict your romantic fortune. According to USApple.org, throwing an apple peel over your shoulder could reveal the identity of a boyfriend-or-girlfriend-to-be, since it, “would form the initial of your lover’s name.” I’m guessing X and Q don’t show up much.

2. Practice your pumpkin carving. Test-whittle a pumpkin pattern on its smaller, cheaper fruit cousin, and you’ll make fewer mistakes when it’s showtime.

3. Teach someone how to bunt. One of baseball’s most overlooked skills is also one of its most important, especially if you’re into squeeze plays. But bunting too hard is a surefire way to waste an out. At your team’s next practice, toss apples to your bunters-in-training. If the fruit gets smashed, the kids are using unnecessary force. If the apples fall and roll away unharmed, they’re halfway to Butlerville.

4. Play a Flexibility game. This is an easy, creative brain exercise revered by one of my favorite elementary school teachers. Place an apple in front of a few kids. Give them ten minutes to come up with as many non-food uses as possible. The winner gets the apple. (And gets to write a blog entry twenty years later about the many uses of apples.)

5. Practice magic. Nourish your inner Harry Blackstone with the good ol’ Orange to an Apple trick. (Scroll down for details.)

6. Shrink some heads. Both hideously effective and just plain hideous, shrunken apple heads are guaranteed to scare the beejeezus out of someone this Halloween. Fab Foods has instructions.

7. Exfoliate. Wikihow gives DIY instructions on a neat facial scrub. Make sure you’re not allergic before giving it a try. That would be bad.

8. Prevent every disease known to man. Apples’ health benefits are too numerous and mind-boggling, to list here, so I’ll let’s hand it over to the Apple lobby.

9. Teach a student driver how to accelerate and brake smoothly. The apple’s stable bottom and heavy top makes it a perfect balance tool. Place one on top of the driver’s car. In an unoccupied parking lot, have him speed up, speed down, and finally, brake. If the apple’s knocked off, he loses. If it stays on, it’s apple pie for all.

10. Soften brown sugar. Oh, Reader's Digest, you crafty minx. I had no idea it was possible to do this: “place an apple wedge in a self-sealing plastic bag with the chunk of hardened brown sugar. Tightly seal the bag and put it in a dry place for a day or two. Your sugar will once again be soft enough to use.” Now, if you could only improve that joke page…

11. Facial! According to the Washington Post, apples make people look pretty. Mix a grated one with a little honey and apply it to your face. Poof! Instant beauty. (Or at least, a very tasty visage.)

12. Stick ‘em in a vase. Pretending you’re on Trading Spaces has never been so easy. Grab a dozen Granny Smiths, pile them in a clear, tall container, and place strategically. Instant class for less than $4.

13. Make a stamp. Apples make great (albeit temporary) decorative stamps. Whether it’s cards, letters, or wrapping paper, the Washington Post claims all you have to do is, “[Slice] the fruit horizontally, exposing the inside star shape. Or create more elaborate designs -- hearts, moons, Hitchcock's profile -- with a small knife. Then stick a fork in the rounded side of the fruit, dip it in paint and press the stamp on paper.”

14. Host an apple tasting. From Lifehacker: Buy a dozen or so different apples, invite some friends over, and eat. Pair with wine, cheese, and/or chocolate for the ultimate in inexpensive luxury.

15. Ripen a tomato. Take five under-ripe tomatoes and one ripe apple. Place in a paper bag. Wait a few days. Marvel at the results.

16. Learn to Juggle. Over a couch or couch-like surface, preferably.

17. Treat a horse, rabbit, or turtle. People aren’t the only animals that dig a nice MacIntosh. Head to your nearest stable or petting zoo, and (with the permission of the owners) make a mammal and/or amphibian happy. Especially fun with kids. (Make sure to shred the fruit before feeding it to a turtle. Otherwise, Choke City.)

18. De-salt a dish. Oversalting is a ginormous problem for those of us who prefer our sodium intake on the tongue-withering side. Reader's Digest says, “When you find yourself getting heavy-handed with the saltshaker, simply drop a few apple (or potato) wedges in your pot. After cooking for another 10 minutes or so, remove the wedges -- along with the excess salt.” Chemistry at work!

19. Make stuff smell good. Huge props to Meredith at Like Merchant Ships on this one. She simmers a few apples along with various spicery, and her house ends up more fragrant than a Pillsbury factory. NICE. Instructions included in the link.

20. Build apple animals. Grab some toothpicks, a few gum drops, a handful of marshmallows and go to town. They make inspired, bizarrely fun holiday decorations, especially for Halloween and Thanksgiving.

21. Support some candles. I wish I’d thought of this one. Instead, Reader's Digest trumped me again. You rascally malcontents! “Use an apple corer to carve a hole three-quarters of the way down into a pair of large apples, insert a tall decorative candle into each hole, surround the apples with a few leaves, branches, or flowers.”

22. Create an apple-head doll. Hey! It’s a doll that, uh, ages. (Yay?) I’m not so sure how I feel about this one, but (once again) the Washington Post seems to think it’s a good idea: “Peel an apple and let it hang-dry for a couple of days, so that the fruit shrivels into an old-lady face. Decorate the face with wire (for granny glasses) and seeds (for beady eyes), and attach it to a small bottle for the body. Dress up.”

23. Save the cakes! Storing a cake with half an apple will keep it alive for days longer than its projected lifespan. See, the apple absorbs all the mold-breeding moisture, leaving the confection nearly as fresh as the day it was baked. (I would say, “yummo” here, but honestly, that word makes me homicidal.)

24. Juice up a chicken. Marcella Hazan does this, but with lemons. 1) Grab a roaster chicken. 2) Stick an apple up its butt. 3) Roast. 4) Enjoy your a dewy, drippingly moist bird. Reader’s Digest has more.

25. Bob for them suckers. Oh, it looks easy enough, but Bobbing for Apples is the "Stairway to Heaven" of Halloween party games: only the chosen ones are really good at it.

26. Teach math and/or the fundamentals of gravity. According to some studies, kids respond better to hands-on lessons than those learned by rote memory. Apples are good tools for teaching addition, subtraction, and basic Newtonian physics. (Plus, is there anything more entertaining than dropping fruit on childrens’ heads?)

27. Decorate a Christmas tree. String some garland or build your own ornaments. If you have a dog or particularly bizarre cat, just remember to place ‘em high up.

28. Practice your knife skills. Whether you’re peeling its skin, coring the center, or chopping it up into eraser-sized pieces, the apple is one of the few foods suited for both pairing and chef’s knives. Hone your technique on a few dozen Cortlands (and use the detritus in applesauce).

29. Jazz up a floral arrangement. For your next bouquet, think outside the flower box by adding one or two color-coordinated apples to the party. Meredith has a great example over here.

30. Kiss up to a teacher. If your wife, husband, sister, roommate, uncle, best friend, or second cousin by marriage twice removed is about to launch a teaching career, slip a Red Delicious into their lunchbox with a note. They’ll mist up in the cafeteria.

31. Devise a centerpiece. Stack ‘em, line ‘em up, or stick ‘em in a bowl – anyway you position them, apples are elegant, easy objets d’art in any mealtime setting.

32. Play Pass the Apple. A super-neat variation on the ol’ fashioned relay race, Pass the Apple involves each runner tucking a piece of fruit under his chin, then transferring it to the next runner’s chin without using his hands.

33. Carve a bird. Fruit sculpture is impressive and fairly easy when compared to other hobbies, like say, quantum physics. This apple bird tutorial will get you started.

34. Give a gift. Whether you’re canning or making Apple Pie in a Jar, every person on the face of the earth (except Kim Jong Il and other various psychopaths) loves receiving food for special occasions. Homemade apple products are an inexpensive way to please minds, hearts, and gaping maws.

35. Target practice. Do you shoot things at other things? Save money (and perhaps someone’s eye) by setting apples up as bulls-eyes. On the less-destructive side, they also make fabulous targets for practicing your curveball. (PLEASE BE CAREFUL.)

36. Paint. There’s a reason so many painters start on bowls of fruit – it’s a good way to learn fundamental shading and coloring. Unpack those brushes and get started, folks.

37. Design a wreath. At first, I pictured this as a dozen apples affixed to a straw circlet, rotting over my mom’s mantle. Ooo – wrong. FamilyCorner.com has a good example of how it should really be done.

38. Play apple toss. It’s like cornhole, but with buckets. And apples. And no bean bags. And … ah, just take a look.

39. Cook. This would be a pretty awful cooking blog if there was no actual cooking involved. So, BEHOLD the following light, relatively inexpensive recipes, garnered from Cooking Light, Food Network, Pick Your Own, All Recipes, and my Ma:
Apple Brown Betty
Apple Butter
Apple Cake

Apple Chutney
Apple Cobbler
Apple Crisp
Apple-Glazed Pork Loin Roast with Apple-Ham Stuffing
Apple Leather
Apple Martinis (they’re fat free, right?)
Apple Muffins
Apple Pie
Apple Salad
Apple Slaw
Apple Smoothie (scroll down)
Apple Strudel
Applesauce

Baked Apples
Dried Apples

Sources:

Hocklander, Sony. "Applemania," Springfield News-Leader. 9/19/04.
Reader's Digest
http://www.rd.com/content/extraordinaryuses/extraordinary-uses-for-apples/
US Apple Association
http://usapple.org/index-c.cfm
"With the arrival of apple season," Washington Post. 10/22/06